Monday, September 27, 2010

What you do for love

Falling in love is a wonderful feeling that has been described in song after endless love song, poem, Shakespearean play, pantomime . . . you get the idea. Songs ask: What would you do for love? The answer is usually some unattainable feat such as bring you the moon, walk 5,000 miles, go through heaven and hell, even DIE! Oh the tragedy of it all! Real life, as you may know, is much more simpler. My dear friend's brother passed away recently, and watching her cope with her fiance by her side got me thinking about what one does for love. Here is a guy who a couple of years ago moved to LA for a job, was living the single life, and then fell in love. A natural progression from single status to being in a relationship, to being engaged, and now planning a wedding has unfolded in both their lives. She grew up in LA, dated plenty of toads, kissed a few frogs, and now found her prince charming. For as much as we (society in general) berate men (in general) as being male-chauvinists, women-chasers, and typical frat boys, there are those guys out there that do right by their mates. They are loyal, supportive, and make their woman happy.

When people date, no one ever thinks, 'wow, I wonder how she'll cope with the loss of a relative', or 'what would we do if one of us becomes disabled'. It's more along the lines of how many kids you'll have, what part of town you'll move into together, and who needs the most closet space. Yet, it's the tough situations that bring a couple closer together. When my husband's father passed away, he was in Europe, I was in LA and we flew to New York City. I called his closest friends to give them the news, made travel arrangements, and took time off from work. It was a whirlwind of activity being a part of the funeral planning. I hadn't known my father-in-law long, but somehow I felt that he was my family too. It wasn't just my husband and sister-in-law's father, he meant something to me. You get this sense of responsibility and without question, take action . . . because you love. This is the part about falling in love no one ever mentions. Maybe this is because no one ever consciously thinks about it. You are moved into action to console, to help, and be present. You don't say much or draw attention to yourself. It's a time to step out of the spotlight and put the one you love first.

I guess what I really want to say is that love in the long run is a beautiful thing. It takes you to amazing highs, and pulls you out of miserable lows. Is it worth giving up the single life? I think my friend's fiance would say so (and so would she, of course). He's also had to experience exotic new foods, sit in a room full of people speaking another language, and even change religion (willingly, I might add). So yes, she's had to adjust to his ways as well such as carrying antibacterial gel every time they go out in public, will have to be mindful of his neat-freak tendencies once they move in together, and there is a chance they will have to leave LA for another state depending on his future job prospects. I don't think she's even though twice about it and is willing to move for the sake of love. And that's probably the reason I'm still in LA. If it weren't for my husband, I probably would be back in Texas living with my parents or buying my own big house there (because everything is big in Texas). Instead, we're stuck in high-priced LA, paying high rent for a small place, and paying the equivalent of a luxury car's worth for child care while driving my sweet beat-up Saturn with no air conditioner in 113 degree weather (that was today's high!) and a missing front license plate. You do it for love and that's all that matters.