Monday, September 10, 2012


If I die tomorrow. Photo by Yaya.
This post is about nothing concrete. I often balk at people writing about their thoughts and observations. I want to hear real-life stories not fluffy ethereal concepts that no one actually practices in real life aside from that one moment of inspiration but alas I find myself bursting with inspiration at the moment. It may all go away by tonight, but I felt I should at least start writing just in case I decide to hit the publish button and embarrass myself.
 After a rough year, I've learned to cherish every compliment, smile, and hug I receive. Life is too short for the negative so embrace the positive. I'm also preoccupied by death. Ever since I was a kid and historian, I seek to preserve our past as I have watched elders in my family pass on. It was always a natural process, not scary at all. I never feared it until my paternal grandmother passed away. I recall not being able to sleep. I must have been around 6 or 7 years old and I can remember picturing her buried in her coffin, a dark, motionless, and uninspired place and I couldn't shake the thought or image in my head. Mom told me to pray to the angels so I did and must have finally fallen asleep mid sentence. Ever since, I've searched for answers about the other side. I never bought the concept of hell. It just made no sense to me. After my Women in Religion course at USC, that's when I decided I had to break from my Catholic mentality and feel free to explore other doctrines and so I have. I love hearing about other beliefs and real encounters with spirits. I've come to a few conclusions: one, I know the other side exists; secondly, I know our ancestors are watching us; and third, there is good in everyone.
With that in mind, my philosophy is not so much to live each day as if it were my last. If it was then I'd be too exhausted trying to cram too much stuff into the day. Instead, it's if I die tomorrow, what would I do differently today?. How would I react to the situation in front of me? Would I care what people thought? What would I make sure to tell my friends and family? Instead, I love living for the moment. I don't want to have any regrets. So often I find myself pouring my heart out to people at the risk of sounding insincere. You know those people. They say "oh honey you look great" and pretend to care about you but you know it's all fluff. Well, I hope I don't come across that way.
This leads me back to my initial reason for writing this. Just today, I was inspired. I was stopped dead in my tracks and felt that feeling, the kind that make you stop breathing. The kind that makes you think, this can't be for me. Then you realize, yes, it's for you. Enjoy it. Feel it! I know (and I don't mean to sound like a pompous ass) that I have the gift of finding the right words to say how I really feel and make people feel good, but when it happens to me, I'm surprised. I'm so busy being mama cheerleader that I forget how nice it is to get it in return.
My point is, people are always projecting their energy out into the universe. I firmly believe in the concept of The Secret. It makes perfect sense that what you put out into the universe is what you get back. That is probably why I love my artist, writer, and musician friends. Always creating. Always thinking and searching for inspiration. Then they find it and manifest it in their work. It's often phenomenal. Granted, it's not easy being happy and positive all the time but when you're able to acknowledge your negative moments, it's good to stop and reevaluate the situation. It has made a change in me. Along the same lines, there's a belief that what you wear affects you. Black absorbs and white reflects. I'm sure this has been scientifically tested somewhere. Some religions believe strongly in this and don't wear black to funerals, for instance. That's probably the worst thing you could wear, absorbing all that sorrowful energy. I believe it's the Navajo that wear protection beads when they come to the big cities with all those crazy people around them. So now we get to this out-dated, ridiculous rule of not wearing white after labor day. No one knows who or why this is a rule but yet they still follow it. Ok let's not be sheep and instead reflect other people's energies off of our bodies. So lately I've changed my wardrobe quite a bit. It's time for a new look anyway, some changes. I'm considering chopping off my long hair and get rid of any lingering negative history trapped in it. All I want is to be inspired and stretch those rare moments of inspiration for as long as possible.

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