Sunday, February 10, 2013

Goodbye, Hello!

On the road to Texas. Photo by Yaya.
My goodness, has it been that long since my last blog? I've since chopped off my dreads, got a humungous tattoo and moved to Texas! I admit that I suffered from a case of pillow-on-head writer's block. I was going through so much turmoil in my life that I couldn't find the time, energy, or inspiration to sit and write. When you are in the mix of the chaos, all you can do is survive. Can I get an AMEN?!

So, sadly, I've said goodbye to my beloved LA. My bad lover, LA. My heart and soul, LA. I miss you. I love you. I hate you. Goodbye.  . . . but I hope to be back! Nineteen years. Nineteen years I spent there. My entire adult life was spent in that metropolis. It taught me, it inspired me, moved me beyond belief. The world at my fingertips. Dark backgrounds with glittering lights. Streaks of lights across waves of freeways. I always picture LA in the dark, at night, when something special happens to the city. People unwind and morph into their happier selves, ready to laugh, dance, find romance, make memories.

As I sit here writing, Quetzal just won their first Grammy! The soundtrack to my LA life is Quetzal music and what a way to close that chapter with their win today. Now I'm on a quest to discover Texas music. I haven't had much luck yet but it's only been a month. I have to give Texas a chance and not compare it to LA. The vibe is different here. It feels like home. The energy is smooth and relaxing. The pace is slower but still contains a gentle energy that stretches into infinity. There's no rush to get there. Just enjoy ride. Yet, I'm still on LA time and pace. I move too quickly. My mind is three steps ahead of my body, the car, and just about everyone else. Driving is driving me loca. I'm always behind someone with their head in the clouds. I just have to breathe and tell myself to slow down.

The hardest part is missing my friends. I've disrupted the fluid formula of social soul fulfillment. I've crumbled it into a big paper ball and tossed it into the black hole of trash bins. I just want to dive in and fish it out, unwrap it and iron it back to normal . . . but I can't. It was so perfect. Lunch dates, early dinners, weekend concerts, bar cocktails, morning coffee, nature hiking, bargain shopping, kid play dates. Where are the SA versions of Home Restaurant, the Good Luck Bar, Zona Rosa Caffe, Lilianas, the Ford, Griffith Park or my beloved beach?

The truth is you can't replicate a location much less the vibe. I just have to create a new reality and find new vibes that mesh with mine. I just have no patience. It's only been a month. I have a great job that I moved here for, working with great people on an exciting new venture. I am in desperate need of finding my stride which I'm sure I will hit very soon. Shedding my chaotic LA essence for a new peaceful SA existence is what I need, what I want. I have to remind myself of all of this every day. I'm on the River Walk. I greet Yanaguana every day and I feel blessed.